Sunday, September 11, 2011

OK, so really I do feel sort of hysterical and you would too. Hysterical in the sense that I feel hyper-vigilant, am too awake to sleep, at moments my hands are shaking & I’m poring over every word that’s been exchanged in regard to this entire situation trying to identify why I did not do what I always do, which is not rely on anyone except me, myself and I, and that way the onus is on me and nobody else. No blame. 

In that case, I would have done some things differently as regards this situation. When I got back in February I would have pushed harder for a meeting with someone who could actually listen and respond, hear my story about how I was out of the country for 2 separate trips of 3 months each -- a total of half the past year in relation to my mother’s going in and out of the hospital and then later, her death, or I would have asked around, after all, although I don’t know many Americans here, I know plenty of people from everywhere other than Spain, and each of them has their own tale of what they know or what they’ve experienced or what someone told them, etc. 

But I was told not to worry, everything would be taken care of and now Oooops, that didn’t happen and it’s too late to do anything much I think except request a longer period of time for figuring out where to go, ie., travel out of the country and return, without the hassle of being a persona non grata – stopped at immigration since after all, the only identity card I have expired while I was waiting to receive the renewal of my permission to work here (& therefore live here) and technically, I no longer have any rights in this country. That’s what I was told on Friday at the Colegio de Abogados when I went to speak with a lawyer (a free consult), but I was denied that right & told I no longer had any rights but that I could file a letter with Extranjeria (the office in charge of foreigners). That is what I’ll do – at the moment I just need to buy some time. 

And now it’s September 11, 2011, a day I do not enjoy. ("America I've given you all and now I'm nothing." -- from America, by Allen Ginsberg) ... America I gave you what I could and I flew out of you decimated. Not American's fault, but bear with me waxing rhapsodic here -- Morocco, Spain and now I have nothing. (The end of that rhapsodic episode, I promise.)
Well, maybe a few million pieces of flotsam and jetsam all spread out on my work table ... & everywhere else. Imagine packing all that up. Eoagh. 

& a ton of other stuff (not that I'm referring to N'jara as 'stuff')


  1. Fantastic. Cat and mouse and Gertrude. I love to peek inside someone else's window always.

  2. Thanks Rebecca for noticing Cat & mouse.
    I also love to peek through windows, tho' NO telescopes.
    I inherited this Gertrude from a friend who died. My Gertrudes are .... in storage. Likely where this one may end up soon.